Take Ten Pills And You’re Fine (parody of “Windmills Of Your Mind”)

By M. Legrand, A. Bergman, & M. Bergman / Parody lyrics by Capitol Steps

Round like a circle that is forming
Made of television ads
More and more I see the warning
Of the conditions I might have
I have countless new disorders
That have finally been revealed
I have dry eye, spastic bladder
And that one with Sally Field

I take drugs for every syndrome
I’m like a powder keg
When I kick my spouse at bedtime
Now I claim it’s restless leg
If your health is in decline
Just take ten pills and you’re fine

Like the lithium I’m taking
With a dose of estrogen
Mixed with Demerol and Prozac
Now I’ve got hair on my chin
Son’s on Ritalin and Bextra
We thought he had ADD
But it turns out that the whole time
He just really had to pee

I need Ambien, Lunesta
To help me sleep alright
‘Cause Levitra and Cialis
Keep my husband up all night
If your life’s as bad as mine
At least ten pills come to mind

Lasix, Cruex, Metamucil
Celebrex and Naproxen
Then I take a few Vytorin
That I wash down with some gin
Now my ears are always ringing
I think Lipitor’s to blame
There’s no reason that I take it
I just really like the name

I mix Lidocaine with high balls
And the side effects were queer
I was hearing through my eyeballs
And I’m tasting through my rear
And that giant nose of Claritin
Is something I must try
And I take Ginkgo Biloba
But can’t remember why

So I quit those pills cold turkey
It was all a big mistake
And I swear there is no supplement
Or medicine I’ll take
And though lately I have found
Though depressed and feeling down
Thanks to Botox I can’t frown